I like being able to "believe" in myself.
I believe in cause and effect and fate.
The inevitability of everything was confirmed when I first believed in Mr. Tsuyoshi.
Language and names carry souls, and people in the past also believed in this way.
Mr. Tsuyoshi, standing tall and strong in his natural state.
And then, guided by fate, what I saw was indeed like Mr. Kei Tanaka, just like a precious gem.
For me, meeting Kei-san is still thanks to Mr. Tsuyoshi.
Going to Mr. Tsuyoshi's live, I accidentally saw "Ossan's Love" in the hotel. The workings of fate are truly mysterious.
In mid-month, when Kei-san mentioned in his diary that he lost his wallet, I became nervous. If there was only money in the wallet, it would be fine, but what if there were important documents and other things? I worried for him, hoping it wouldn't be picked up by someone with ill intentions and hoping it would be found soon.
When I saw that the wallet was found the day before yesterday (although I'm not sure if it's the same wallet or the same incident), I immediately breathed a sigh of relief and muttered "yokatta" (I'm glad) in my mouth.
A very pure and direct reflexive emotion. Natural worry and instinctive happiness.
I thought, I can still love someone after all.
I am grateful to every person who made me realize that I do have the ability to love.
And then I waited for his diary update, which should happen soon.
The diary was indeed updated, although it didn't mention the wallet. (laughs)
He wrote the diary so happily, and usually when I read his diary, it's purely joyful. But as I read this entry, I found myself smiling and feeling like my eyes were getting wet.
And then I saw the last part.
Tears fell down in a series of splashes.
Liking him is truly the result of fate.
I feel the similarities between him and Mr. Tsuyoshi, and the similarities between him and me.
And also the differences between them and me.
Is the most important ability in life still "loving others"?
Good karma leads to good karma, and positive thoughts bring about positive events.
I have always felt lucky. Even though I am not a good person, I have received the protection of heaven and earth, and I have received my mother's love wholeheartedly.
I have always felt that I cannot love others. I do want to be a good person, and I do want to give love, but I can't do it. I never had that ability to begin with. That's how I feel.
I have already used all my energy to love myself.
But "love" is indeed like Mr. Tsuyoshi said, it circulates like water.
The returned wallet and the received award are all the cause and fate of love.